You don’t even notice how it happened. You are hyper alert to their words and behaviour. You are hoping to avoid their temper tantrums, trying to fix the potential problem before it even becomes a problem. You do everything you can to avoid another angry outburst, to preempt their vitriol and blame, which they fire at you like poisonous arrows. Their criticism of you cuts you deeply, and now you feel worthless, forgetting that there was a different version of you before this began. And because they say it over and over, you have come to believe that they must be right and that all you are is the version that they see, and your feelings of being trapped, shame and fear are obscuring the light of joy and inner peace.

You no longer see your friends or family because the narcissist has isolated you from anyone who might be able to see that you are in an abusive situation. The narcissist probably already insulted your friends and family, making them feel uncomfortable, or perhaps even threatened, so that they stay away now. And then the narcissist blames you for their absence and reinforces your own belief that no one loves you and you are trapped in the relationship and in this cycle of narcissistic abuse. If it is your boss, you feel the stressful pressure of trying to do a great job when the narcissist repeatedly moves the goal posts and gaslights you about it. So you doubt your sanity and always feel that you are not good enough and often ashamed.

These are typical examples of being in a narcissistic relationship, whether it’s a romantic partner, a  parent or someone whohas authority over you, like your boss, client or work colleague.

And there is real fear - that you are trapped, you will lose your job/home/safety/reputation if you don’t do or say what the narcissist tells you to, or behave in the way that they coerce or force you to behave.

You are so stressed, you are hyper alert to the slightest nuance in their body language, their words, the way they look at you. You start to feel dread rising up and overwhelming you, when they call you, or arrive at the door. They interrupt your sentences, or refuse to listen to you. They tell that you are wrong and you don’t know what you’re talking about.

By now, you don’t remember when you stopped having your own opinions. You don’t remember that you used to feel happy confident. You don’t notice that you can’t remember the last time you followed your own dreams. You don’t notice that you don’t have your own wishes and dreams anymore. You don’t notice that you have become numb to your own needs.